Having A Bad Night
September 17th, 2008 18 Comments»Wordcount: 266
When do you get to the point where you realize something is just hopeless? I feel like my relationship with Chris is basically just that. We are both really ugly to each other. We both seem to hate each other and it doesn’t matter what’s said and done, the anger and hatred is still there. It surfaces almost daily.
Right now I’m in an unfamiliar city. I am almost out of money because of having to pay for hotels and food and stuff, and the only thing I ask from Chris is to be supportive and understanding. These are two things he’s never ever been, and I guess I should have known he never would be. I didn’t feel I asked alot. I had hopes that he would make things easier for me, but I guess after everything that is said and done between us it’s just not possible. I’m not even saying he’s totally to blame anymore. It used to be all him, but lately I know I’ve been pretty ugly right back to him and sometimes even uglier. I just can’t help myself anymore. I have been treated like trash for so long, I finally just lost control and started treating him the same way. That’s not how relationships are supposed to be. Even I know that.
Anyway, I’m sitting here eating oreos (comfort food) and wishing I was at home and that I was feeling a little better inside. I know ultimately I’m the only person that can make myself feel better and I guess I should get started on that.
Commenters: Aimey, Chris, dawn, Ezra, Julie, Sara, Teff, Teff
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Thanks :)
Thank you Aimey.
Nice looking for sympathy after telling me you want me dead (even going into details about how you want me to die) or that you just use me for money all the time. This is one of the main reasons I have so much hatred for you.
I’m actually not looking for sympathy. This is my fucking blog, and I’m tired of you telling me what I can and cannot type on it. I wasn’t rude, and I left out alot of details that I figured would piss you off, but honestly if you don’t want to be talked about, then don’t do anything to get talked about. We’ve had this discussion before. It’s great that you have your reasons for having so much hatred for me, I have my own reasons, too, which I won’t go into detail with because you’ll just get pissed off anyway. The bottom line is, as Ezra said, we have to get over it and learn to respect each other or move on. I know you will never respect me or anyone, though, you’ve said it time and time again.
Personally, I don’t see how it’s possible to be happy in a relationship with someone who is constantly worrying about “me, me, me”. You are not the only person in this relationship, some common courtesy would be greatly appreciated and reciprocated.
I do love you, but I don’t think love is enough. Especially when there is so much hate too. I don’t know if you even understand or care to understand, but you wanted to bring out the reasons why you hate me here.. I could go on for days with my reasons, Chris. Just last night alone is enough for anyone.
You both should chill, you guys are drawn to one another or so it seems even with all the hatred and shit. Relationships are a lot of work trust me, I’ve been in horrible ones and hopeless ones. You two either need to put aside that hate and start being respectful to each other or move on. I’m no psychologist but everyone has problems it’s just a matter of you being able to overcome them or not.
Easier to say than to do, you know? I appreciate your input, though, and you’re right. We have to change the way things are or get out of this mess, but I don’t even know where to start anymore.
Honestly, if you two have so much hatred for each other, why do you keep getting back together? It’s like you’re both looking for the pain? Yes, you need to do what is right for you and what will make you better, not worse.
I agree with everything you said.. and I don’t have an answer anymore as to why.
*Huggu* Angelaaaa…
Poor dear.
No, Sara, not poor me. I do it to myself, because I keep coming back.
You guys sound like how I used to be with my boyfriend. I don’t even know what caused the hatred between us but we just tore each other apart. We separated for three months and have been back together since Feb 2007 without a fight. It’s been good. But if things are that bad, maybe you two should go your separate ways…
Yeah, maybe we should.. I don’t know what to do anymore.
Oh snap, and I forgot to change my domain name on that last comment…crapola…ha ha.
It’s ok I do that all the time. I have other websites and when I’m doing commenting I sometimes put the wrong one in the URL box. <3
awww sweetie, believe me me and my husband been there…and some times we still go there. but with counseling we seem to be doing a lot better. ever think of counseling?
iLY…and you and your son deserve nothing but the BEST!
Counseling only works if you think there’s an actual problem. He doesn’t think there is a problem at all, other than I’m not making him happy and doing what he wants. He’s one of those people that believe that women are beneath men and deserve no respect. I don’t know where he learned that behavior from, but there’s not much I can do to change it.
This is not about women being beneath men or anything of the sort and if I act like that I am sure you do know where I got this from but I do not think I do. I do think we have problems and I know I made some of them but you seem to not notice the ones I feel you are making..
I said that because the other day when you called my mother a whore and I asked you why you did, your reply was “She’s a female how else am i supposed to speak to her?”. You do act like that, but there’s no sense in arguing about it because you only see what you choose. What problems am I making? Other than defending myself against your attacks…? I say the wrong things sometimes in response to you, but that’s the extent of it. If I give you attitude or act a certain way it’s because I’m hurt and angry. You can’t be that blind or stupid not to realize that. Even that shit last night.. ridiculous, and as you say “I want what I want and I will not stop until I get it.”
Again, it’s impossible to be with someone who is all about “Me, Me, Me.” Heh.